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Technically Too Techie.

by earnestmomblog ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Photo credit: canva.com

I do not know about you, but when I hear the term “digital age,” I freeze. I am comfortable at my level of smart phone, and my air pods that somehow know when I am listening to a podcast on my phone even when I am on my laptop, while being synced to both.  I like that my car tells me when to turn and I enjoy those heated seats in our Erie winters!  What I am not prepared for is the impact technology is having on my children.

The more studies I see of how 5G is affecting our bodies, how our brains are reacting to the constant stream of dopamine engaged content, and the endless scrolling that I know I am guilty of, it makes me long for the days of dumb phones and waiting to talk to friends face to face.  

Common Sense Media recently released their 2025 Common Sense Census (click here to access report) and the stats are definitely a bit alarming to a parent in this time of tech.  The study’s main takeaways were, children are acquiring and using screens for longer periods and at earlier ages; parent supervision is quite low (17% of parents reporting viewing Tik Toks with their kids); and AI is making its way into their hands more than I thought, considering I just called my husband today because I could not figure out how to work chatGPT.

Seems, much to my dismay, technology is not only here to stay but is growing and evolving so rapidly that I can barely keep up!  With a teen, a tween and a video game interested 7 year old, I have all my mommy-senses working overtime to navigate this brave new world.  Maybe you feel the same?  Here are some resources that I have found invaluable as we navigate these new waters as a family.

Aura is my first recommendation.  Recently, with much research, thought, conversations and mandatory high school papers, we got our 14 year old a phone.  Aura has been my peace of mind with this transition.  Aura is intelligent, digital safety for the whole family.  We have Aura on our teen’s phone, and all computers in the house.  I get daily and weekly reports of online activity and a new feature called “Balance” that is giving me in depth information of my teens actions, words and behavior online.  I am parenting confidently with this app in my pocket (literally and figuratively).  

Another incredible tool we use are websites that help to navigate movies, television, books, games, podcasts and apps.  In this world of instant entertainment, Common Sense Media is so helpful.  With ratings given for all of these categories, they also break down with a rating out of ten, content from sexual to violence to really know what you and your children could be seeing and or hearing.  They also offer positive content and the reviews/ratings include parent and kids comments to really get a well rounded feel for the content.  For movies alone, we also like to use Plugged In.  Plugged In offers similar rating breakdowns with a christian lens, also offering follow up questions or discussion points to help digest movies, games and books with your kids.

Digital Parenthood is a one stop hub for parents.  With support for gaming, cyber bullying, internet safety, online predators and even asking an expert, the Digital Parenthood offers a wide array of help in many spaces including forums where parents are discussing what they are going through to connect with other parents too.  Digital Parenthood is so robust for supporting parents navigating all of the things that come with digital exposure for our children, I cannot recommend it enough.

A podcast that keeps me updated and informed of laws, dangers and news with kids in tech is Scrolling 2 Death.  With weekly podcasts and daily social media posts, podcaster Nicky Reisberg shines light on the dark goings on in the media and our children.  She has been a voice for her children dealing with online access in schools, and a safe place to share with parents their experiences and how social media and tech are affecting their children.  Definitely worth liking and subscribing, even though the news can be on the serious side – it is worth listening to and knowing what children are going through in real time.

Whether it is children online at school, in your home or on the bus ride the online world feels like the wild, wild west with our kids on the front lines.  Lots of discussions about online safety, when to look away if they are being exposed to dangerous materials and how to get help for anything has to be a constant today.  As their brains are still growing, I feel the push ever more to keep updated and relevant to what is going on in the digital world.  I hope some of these resources can help get you some tools to use while keeping your kids safe in the online world.

x. earnest mom.

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The Hands of a Parent

by earnestmomblog ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Hands of a Parent

Recently, I was walking with my 7-year-old, hand in hand.  As I was getting us from our parking spot to our destination I started to think about the action of our hands in parenting.  Our hands are essential in the process of raising children, from birth until they move out—they remain involved throughout our parenting journey.

Breaking it down into ages and development levels, our parenting approaches can be hands on or hand off if we choose.  From helping hands to cheering hands, let’s explore how we HAND-le parenting our little humans.

Helping Hands start from birth, your baby is born and right into your hands when they arrive.  When holding a baby, they are completely and beautifully dependent on us.  From holding bottles or breast, diapers or burp cloths, baby’s contact is holding hands all through those early formative months.  We stroke a cheek, wipe a bottom and lift to hold them heart to heart with us in comfort and love.  Cradling and holding are so intimate and build the parent-child deep connections in their growing brains.

The next stage is Hand Over Hand.  Baby begins to crawl and toddle, causing us to follow closely and help them to learn the safety and dangers of the world around them, keeping our hands over their hands.  Leading them directly by touch and our words we teach them as they explore their surroundings. 

The third stage is Holding Hands.  Just as I was earlier with my little guy, holding hands allows us to be side by side with our child.  We are holding to one hand, still guiding and leading but also allowing them to lead in small spurts as well.  We are still tethered to them hand in hand so when they misread safety signals, we are still there to stop to prevent danger but still a bit more freedom.  I love the image of side by side, next to one another, still intimate yet slightly more independent.

By the fourth stage we find ourselves with Guiding Hands.  We have led and shown over and over, creating neural pathways of routine, expectations and a life of relationships, working and playing.  As we guide our children, we gradually let go, and they may push us away a bit.  They will begin the stages of, “You do not have to walk me to the bus anymore, just watch from the porch,” or “Please do not hug me in front of my friends.”  We are quite hands off here, but we are close enough that when we may need to catch them, hold them or show them a safe way – we still can.

Parenting in the next stage is Waving Hands.  We are on the sidelines, allowing harmless mistakes where we can still scaffold and advise before leaving home.  We are coaching, up until now we have helped them develop an array of tools to use when facing life, but they are still in our home, so we can still come together and review and give help on an ongoing basis.  I always remind my children in the younger years, there is nothing they can do to make me love them less – nothing.  Building a foundation of trust knowing they can come to me with anything at all.  As we watch our children at this age, almost adult, we will get glimpses of the man or woman they are becoming and yet we can still offer tips and coaching as they grow – waving to remind them “I am here!”

The final stage is Cheering Hands.  Here our children are leaving home, finding their own path and growing their own family.  A parent’s role continues throughout their life, but during this period, they can observe and support from the sidelines – get ready to cheer!  Cheer them through post-secondary education or into careers, starting a family and becoming the man or woman they were called to be.  As a child, I remember my games, plays, and presentations at school, with two working parents, my grandparents were always in the audience – cheering me, they were also cheering my parents.  Celebration happens so much in adult milestones, graduations, job offers, big moves, showers, weddings, etc.  This is a time where parents get to celebrate and watch the hard work of those early blurry days pan out before their eyes.

Our hands play such an important role in parenting, and it is essential for children to rely on them. Whether it is the touch of a baby’s bitty fingers, holding hands while crossing a street, or applauding in support, our hands contribute significantly to our children’s development. In my indigenous culture, it is believed that every action has an impact for the next seven generations, which highlights the long-term role of parental actions – our hands.  You mama, you will be known by your 5-times-great-grandchild by what your hands do today.  How beautiful.

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Healthy Boundaries. Healthy Holidays.

by earnestmomblog ♥ 2 Comments

Last holiday season was honestly one of the most emotionally straining, spiritually challenging and heart wrenching times I had experienced in our 16 years of being a family.  From before Thanksgiving until after Christmas our little family was continually challenged, in ways that I just did not see coming from people that I would never have expected it from.  I am here a year later (after a very long, intentional break), not to point fingers, fight for my side of what happened or even “clear any air,” I am here to talk safe boundaries and safe people. 

As a Christian, there were times when I had felt pulled into not wanting to offend someone, and at the same time, needing to stand for what is good, honest and true, needing boundaries.  I became a mother, and I started to think about my children, their hearts and spirits and guiding them in the ways they should go.  I knew that as an example for my children, I had to start standing up for safe boundaries in my life (which as a recovering people pleaser, was admittedly hard and has been work I have been in for the last 8 years).  Prayerfully I began setting boundaries in my life, I became a fruit inspector (as scripture calls us to judge the fruit of people, behavior and situations, that is where I started).  As I began this change in my life, I started to see people whose fruit was revealing to me that I needed to make healthier/stronger boundaries, and safer relationships.  This healing work has not been a bed of roses, but worth the peace that it has brought to my home, my spirit and my heart.

A lot of times, when I heard the word ‘boundaries’ it felt restricting, negative and even bad.  Author Lysa TerKeurst in her book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, she describes boundaries God gave the oceans.  The ocean is beautiful; sunsets, waves, cool water refreshing in the heat of a summer sun, and the amazing creatures within – it is an incredible work of God.  As wonderous and magnificent as the ocean is, it can be dangerous.  The ocean can be violent, loud, and deadly.  God gave it a shoreline, he gave it a boundary. (See Proverbs 8:29, Jeremiah 5:22).  When the ocean crosses those boundaries, tragedy usually follows.  Boundaries are necessary, not only in nature but also in relationships.  This image of the wild yet gorgeous ocean that needed such a boundary, it changed my paradigm two years ago.

Family.  A God created family, and it can be something beautiful, wonderous and amazing.  When family members are healthy and have healthy boundaries, it can be magnificent.  Without healthy boundaries leading to unsafe situations, families can be violent and damaging.  Now we cannot control other people’s actions, however, there seems to be this “right” that family claims over people. I have experienced this pressure from family all too often: “So and so is your __________” fill in the blank (mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, etc), “you have to ________.” Fill in the blank again (invite them, allow them to come, go and see them, celebrate with them, allow them to bring alcohol, etc).  Even if we have seen behavior that is alarming, scary, painful and even dangerous, for some reason we can get pressured into continuing to be in the presence of that person just because they are family.  This cyclical system in the family is what leads to trauma and opening the door for unsafe people to have access to you. 

Back to last year, there were situations arising where I was starting to feel unsafe in them, passive aggressive behavior, dishonesty, back biting, and manipulation.  Before I even saw it with my eyes, my body going into fight or flight showed me first.  After trying to apologize in person for an error I made, and working on the hard stuff as a family so we could move forward, the fruit of the relationship began to show.   More deceit, more manipulation, undefined/unrealistic expectations of me from the other person – the whole situation became crazy making behavior and for the safety of my heart I needed to set clearer boundaries.  I had to disengage.  I had to stand for what was good, right and true.  I had to realize no matter how hard I tried to go above and beyond, it would and could never be enough for this person.  As I type this, I still feel the effects on my body remembering the countless behaviors and actions we had to face last year – but God brought us through. 

We set safer boundaries for our family, we had to see that our marriage, our children and the peace of our home had to measure above the behavior and opinions of others at this pivotal moment.  So, we did, we dug in, we stood tall and stayed prayerful.  As we did this, we began to see more truth about what was going on, we began to see the fruit of this behavior affecting all of those around them. 

I only share our experience for other mamas who may have faced the same in the past and are preparing to face it again for the sake of the holidays, or who may be as caught off guard as I was by the behavior of someone you though to be different. 

To the mom who knows this type of behavior from family, I highly recommend Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst, the books: Boundaries, and Safe People by Dr Cloud and Dr Townsend, as a good place to start.  Be prayerful, find a pastor, or trusted mentor to talk to and start looking at the fruit of your relationship.  Both Lysa and Dr Cloud have great podcasts that helped me before and after this time in my life.  Start setting and defining the boundaries needed for you and your family.

To the mom who may be caught off guard, set boundaries early and stick to them.  “Sorry, our family cannot be accessed that way.”  “I do not like to be spoken to like that.” “My family, my choice.” Think about what is important and that may need to be protected and protect it.  “We will have to pass but thank you.”  “We love you; we just cannot do that.”  Healthy boundaries set early, keep homes healthy, be mindful you may have to set boundaries you did not know you needed, but be encouraged to stand for what is good, right and true (I would caution against standing for ‘your truth’ but to stand for the truth of the Gospel).

Terra Mattson M.A, LMFT, LPC, shares an excellent model for helping to sift through your relationships.  Red Light, Green Light and Yellow Light people.  Red light people have shown the fruit that they hurt, they do not care they hurt you and will not change, red means stop, a boundary needs to be placed here.  Yellow Light, be cautious, these people can hurt and will feel bad but do not change much, firmer boundaries may be needed in the future. Green Light people can still hurt you but there is empathy, there is change, there is work for the relationship.  They respect your boundaries, green means go.  (Check out her and her husband’s podcasts, Living Wholehearted, and Dear Mattsons.  She is also a Certified Family and Marriage Therapist, Executive Coash and Author, she works in trauma healing – I highly recommend her work).

Be encouraged, remember that your family does not have the right to you just because they are related – if they have proven themselves over and over to be harmful to you and your immediate family (marriage and/or children), boundaries are the place to start.  Be willing to forgive, as forgiveness does not give them freedom to harm you again, but it gives you freedom from the hurt they placed on you.  Be cautious, listen to your discernment and your body – fight or flight response is a subconscious response by your nervous system when your brain starts to recognize a situation that is unsafe.  Lastly, be a fruit inspector – let actions speak louder that words, they will tell you the heart of the situation. 

I pray that my experience can help you in your motherhood, whether past, present or future,

x.  earnest mom.