Monthly Archives: March 2019

The Gift of a Happy Mother; an Earnest Inspiration.

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Preorder Today for a FREE 30 Day The Gift of a Happy Mother Journal and Prize Entry for a gift basket curated by Rebecca Eanes.  Details below.

I have had the earnest privilege to read a digital advanced copy of Rebecca Eanes’ new book The Gift of a Happy Mother and it is honestly a life changing book for me.  I feel like as a mom I am constantly in a state of survival mode; working hard to get from one part of the day to another.  Surviving the messes, the tears, the craziness and the exhaustion.  Who knew finding joy in chaos was possible?! Rebecca makes the stress of motherhood so relatable and the task of finding joy in it all, attainable. This book moved me – all moms should have this one in their mama toolbox.

Below is an excerpt from her new book, sharing with permission from the author, Rebecca Eanes.

“You look gross,” she said. Her eyes narrowed, her nose crinkled in a look of disgust. She didn’t break her stare. Then, she threw another punch. “You’ve aged 10 years in the last month. Look at those lines.” My heart sank, and I walked out of the bathroom to get away from the jerk in the mirror.

Of course, she followed me. She followed me everywhere I went, teasing and mocking often.

“Nobody cares what you have to say.”
“You’re a joke. Give it up.”
“You have zero talent.”

I came in contact with my fair share of bullies throughout childhood, but none as formidable as the one that resided inside my own head. My inner critic was large and in charge before I tackled this happiness stealer on my journey to being a happier mom. The truth is, I didn’t like myself very much. I wouldn’t have liked anyone who talked to me that way, so that was certainly understandable. Sometimes the biggest critics we face in our lives are ourselves.

I could go on about the kids in school who called me “hippopotamus” or how my work has been criticized as recently as two days ago. We all have stories like that, don’t we? I could blame them all for the harsh voice inside my head, but placing blame doesn’t fix the problem. In the end, this is my show, and I decide who’ll be the star. There will always be people in the world who don’t see our value. It’s when we stop seeing it ourselves that’s the real problem.

The first time my son received a hateful comment on YouTube, I told him this. “Don’t let someone’s hateful spirit invade your beautiful heart and soul. They can’t see your light because they live in darkness. That doesn’t mean you aren’t shining, though. Shine on.” I give him different versions of this same message every time someone fails to see his light. I don’t ever want him to lose sight of his value. Saying this to him stirred up a lot of emotion in myself, and I realized my heart desperately needed this message, too.

To the girls in elementary school who teased me, to the boys who dumped me, to the friends who backstabbed me, to the internet critics, to everyone who has said a hateful word about me, and especially to the bully in my brain, hear this: Your hateful spirit will not invade my heart and soul. I will shine on.

Strategy: Hush Little Critic, Don’t Say a Word

Dealing with inner bullies is a lot like wrangling down those negative thoughts, but it’s more personal. A negative thought might be “this day is a total failure” but the inner bully might say “you are a total failure.” Stop those hateful thoughts about yourself in their tracks and start saying positive things about yourself every day, even if it feels ridiculous at first. Positive self-talk will build your self-esteem and confidence. When that inner critic rears her ugly head, say hush little critic. Then remind yourself how awesome you are, because mama, you’re incredible!

Happiness Habit:
Write a friendly letter to yourself. List your good qualities and tell yourself why you are worthy of love and joy.

I know this “Brain Bully” all too well – I battle with her daily.  How dare she question who and what I am as a mother?!  Alas, she does and there are times I believe her.  I love the strategy Rebecca gives here to help hush that inner critic.  Find out more about finding that inner joy that our children deserve from us mamas by pre-ordering your copy of The Gift of a Happy Mother.  Order today (or before April 1, 2019) to receive a FREE 30 Day Journal for The Gift of a Happy Mother; and you will be entered to win a gift basket from Rebecca Eanes!  Preorder link here: THE GIFT OF A HAPPY MOTHER

x.  earnest mom.

Earnest Bedtimes + the 5 Stages of Grief.

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A slightly comical look at our bedtime routine, remember what may work for one family may not for another. Glean what you may and enjoy!

Typically these two things are not correlated, well not formally but I have come to discover that every single night my children (particularly my darling sweet middle child) experience ALL five stages of grief at bedtime. Here is a typical night at the earnest household, where both earnest dad and I are usually home as we try our best to have dinner as a family and visit together before bedtime.

Stage one: Denial.

Picture it: dinner is done, the kiddos are finishing homework, or chores; then we like to enjoy a show on Netflix before bedtime starts. So we are usually all snuggled up in the living room together and around 7:20 pm I announce “5 minutes and it is time to start potty and brushing teeth.” The reaction: my 9 year old instantly bolts from the couch in disbelief to check the clock in the kitchen; my 4 year old laments, “whaaaaat?! We have just had dinner, it is not time for bedtime yet.” And my 16 month old yells out “teeeeeeth” (he is just excited to brush his teeth). This first stage usually last about 2-3 minutes before the next stage hits.

Stage two: Anger.

Earnest dad or I typically reply to the confusion, “yes, we have about five minutes and then we need to start brushing teeth and going to bed.” My 9 year old, “ugh, why can’t I stay up????” And he may or may not be stomping or dropping to the floor. My 4 year old, “what?! Bedtime?! No!!!” Followed by her loud, tear-filled cry and hugs. My 16 month old, “teeeeth.” He is still excited to brush his teeth.

Stage three: Bargaining.

My 9 year old calms and slyly sits down next to me and asks the following in a hushed voice, “mom, can I stay up just a little bit later tonight? Please? Just a little.” My 4 year old, wiping tears and calming down, “wait” sniffle, sniffle, “can we watch just one more episode?” And my 16 month old, he has gotten up walked to the bathroom and is waiting for someone to open the door to hand him his toothbrush.

Stage four: Depression.

Here we get full on tears, and earnest dad and I stay firm. “Okay guys, time is up let’s go potty and get our teeth brushed.” All kids sadly get up, turn off the TV and head to the bathroom where the chaos of toothpaste, toothbrushes, potty time scheduling and a quick diaper change for the littlest happens. Then boom, we are all walking upstairs together and this is where the final stage sets in.

Stage five: Acceptance.

Kids are calm, I am usually with our 4 year old daughter and earnest dad takes the boys to their room. I tuck her in, we read a book, say prayers, give kisses and back scratches and, as I wind up her musical unicorn jewelry box she turns to me and says: “mama, what we doing tomorrow?” We review the plans for the next day and as I walk out of her room I get one final “night mama, I love you.” As I close her door I hear the same events taking place in the boys’ room. Their love tanks are full and, my earnest heart is overflowing.

By 8:00 pm all three are in bed, where they stay all night. And since realizing this routine they experience every night before bed, I am able to know just what to expect. There is so much joy in that, I find our bedtimes even in the 5 stages are smooth and fun. By the time we are heading upstairs the tears have turned to giggles, the cries have turned to ‘I love you’s’ and the one goal earnest dad and I try to meet every night in our marriage is being met with our children: never go to bed angry.

I know I am comparing parts of our night with the stages of grief, but when you are little and every day is the ‘best day ever,’ why would you want it to end? I am so blessed by this predictable, earnest little event we have every night; it is in this routine we all find the comfort we need to sleep peacefully in our earnest little home. Let me know what your bedtime routine looks like? What works for you, and do your children experience any of the 5 Stages of Grief before bed??

x. earnest mom.