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I am her, She is me.

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Dedicated to my three earnest littles, and to all the mamas, past, present and future.

Mama, Mother, Mummy, I am her, and she is me.

We shared a life, a body, a very first breath, they took theirs and I held mine.

Never did I know such ache, relief, and joy so absolute, so sublime.

Knit together in the quiet dark places within my delicate being,

The handiwork of the Father upon nose, fingers and cries that filled the room ringing.

Ordinary, messy, unselfish love brimming from such a tiny heart,

Made me believe in true, unconditional, love, from the start.

The love took shape, warm, familiar, and round.

A woman lost, a mother found.

I hear their cries, I know their need,

Born from within in me, I feel it when they bleed.

Dark snuggly mornings, closed in together tight all around,

Barefoot in those early hours, feels like holy ground.

I want to be with them always the thought without them makes me ache,

Staying close, face to face, with a call, or in that place between dreaming and awake.

Mama, Mother, Mummy, I am her, and she is me.

Words by: Rebecca Wilcoxson (earnest mom).

Permission to Finish Softly.

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It is one week from Christmas, yes SEVEN days from that wonderful, blessed day where we celebrate the birth of Christ and maybe a merry elf who loves to leave our favorites under the tree.  My shopping list is still quite long and after the last three weeks which included a root canal, food poisoning and every person in this house sick with this cold that seems to be EVERYWHERE, the to-do’s before Christmas arrives feel endless.

As I take a break and scroll through the social media platform of choice, I am seeing so much “hustle mama,” “you got this,” and “finish strong” all over the place.  From fancy wrapping paper hacks to reminder to move an elf – it seems as though even a quick scroll only adds to one’s holiday to-do’s.

I am a lover of family traditions that we do together, from baking, to making Christmas gifts and garlands, I love being creative and getting the kids involved. I enjoy color coordinating my gift wrapping, making sure Santa’s cookies are home baked and delivering goodies to friends and family. I really like getting stuff done and feeling accomplished. This year though, this year that has been trying, busy and at times over whelming – I am not trying to “finish strong.” I am not trying to end the year with a huge bang, get it all done kind of attitude. Instead, I am giving myself permission to “finish softly.”

Finishing softly by not making ALL the Christmas things; I have strung dried orange garland wound up in a bowl because we have not had time to buy the garland to hang with it. I have stockings in a blue storage bin parked at the bottom of the stairs waiting to be hung because we ran out of command strips. I have all the ingredients to unbaked cookies on my counters waiting to be darling little cookie trees with the softest butter cream icing ever. There are Amazon, Walmart and Target boxes all stacked, unopened and unwrapped filled from Black Friday and Cyber Monday hauls for Christmas gifting, just waiting to be sorted, wrapped, and set.

There are kids’ toys, books, and clothes that I want to sort through before all the new comes in from Christmas. New items that will overwhelm already bursting drawers, filled toy bins and piled high bookshelves. It will not all get done before Christmas, and likely not all before 2023. But I am giving myself the “okay” to go easy. Taking the time to read, snuggle all up with kiddos and blankets and watch movies, enjoy hot cocoa, and go looking for Christmas lights – the Christmas to-dos will keep.

Finishing this year softly by going into this week of homeschool lightly, not feeling pressure to get all the homeschool Christmas lessons done – just getting something in each day. Reading the Nutcracker together, baking for fun, not perfection, and laughing to Alexa’s Christmas jokes together. Making hot tea and enjoy sleepy mornings with warm scones from the oven. Breaking out the Kiwi Crate and craft some fun gifts for giving. Calling a neighbor or friend to say Merry Christmas and ask how they are doing. Going softly with my family, not rushing, pushing, and trying to finish this year in anyway but gently.

Finishing soft by taking time for rest.  Sacred rest.  Saying no to the good things so I can say yes to the best things in my life.  Not adding anything more to a to-do list that will already remain incomplete for the new few weeks.  Going to bed in good timing, resting with my love and staying connected during the hustle and bustle around us.  Closing the door, shutting the blinds, and taking time to breathe, pray and restore.  Going easy into the season of giving by giving myself permission to go gently and be intentional.

It is hard to go easy, it feels like mom culture around me says “first, biggest, most!” or “more, better, everything.” For me this year, these next few weeks, I do not want to end this year with some huge finale or crescendo, I want it to slowly melt into 2023. Gently roll into the new year with revival on my heart, restoration in my soul and go softly. Mama, if this season is getting to be over whelming – give yourself permission to finish softly. We are world changers, but let’s aim for micro changes that are a balm to the weariness of our souls. Less hustle and go softly.

An Earnest Attitude of Gratitude.

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It is November. We have Friendsgiving and Thanksgiving that we host every year and so quickly I can get distracted by the planning (I like to really plan with a lot of care and thought our Friendsgiving to create an intimate time for the group of us that have been celebrating for the past 3 years). I am seeing on social media, people posting thankful anecdotes daily, which is so refreshing to read when I decide to scroll – especially when I haven’t been online for a few days and all the thankful posts pile up! Some have been known to cause a few tears in my own eyes.

I feel like while I am mama, teacher, cook, tidy-upper, help mate and all the other hats that I juggle through my days I miss being thankful for my life, abilities and the little things!

Someone once told me it could simply be a matter of switching up the narrative in my head. when my days get busy (especially lately when home inspection calls are non stop some days), I get caught up in the stress of what I have to get done. Earnest dad will come home after a long day of inspecting and maybe hunting, and he wants to relax. All I can see is what we have to do and I quickly get overwhelmed. There are days he comes home early and the moment I see him, I immediately think of my have to list and I don’t stop to even greet him. (I feel awful saying it but it is true).

The word of God says,

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
2. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3. Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Psalm 100: 1-5

Be thankful to him, for the Lord is good and his mercy is everlasting. These words were life to me this week.

We use a curriculum that we print monthly – and it is a lot of printing! Well we start a new unit TODAY and because of the busyness and time spread everywhere, I started printing last night. And last night, nothing was going right. With lack of sleep (thanks daylight savings), homeschooling, business phone calls and energetic kids I was done. I felt, as Bilbo Baggins so eloquently put it, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” My patience, calm and thankful tanks were on empty. I went to bed and as I fell asleep I remembered the words, attitude of gratitude.

As I got up this morning feeling resting, my youngest little laid on the ground with his little fingers reaching under the door and began singing one of my favorite hymns. In my head I hear, attitude of gratitude. I go to get my morning vitamins and breaks and my little guy climbs up to sit on the counter with me (I was with him the whole time) and brewed me my k-cup (again with my support). Again, I am reminded attitude of gratitude. I need to change my narrative.

Here I sit, with my printer trying to print our workbooks we should already be working out of and there is a paper jam. Then mid print job, it cancels itself. No error information, no reason that I can see. Attitude of gratitude. So I changed the narrative. Today for homeschool we will read stories together, we will clean up the house together, we will do our supplemental subjects already printed and ready to go. We will go outside and get some vitamin D and watch our favorite squirrel at the park as he buries his acorns in planning for his winter survival. Today we will do what we can with what we have. That is all that we ever have.

Instead of telling myself I have to, today I will remind myself that I get to. I get to school my children in my home because my husband works hard and the Lord blesses us. I get to clean up with my children because all of us are healthy and able. We get to go the to park because we have an amazing set up less than a block away in our quiet neighborhood. I get to work with my technology because we have the ability to own the necessities to do so.

I sit here, printer in error state, some kids not clothed running about the house with more screen time than I would like. But we get to do all of this because of the blessings that we have in our lives. This earnest home, family and life we have is such a privilege and honor, I am working daily to keep in an attitude of gratitude and to not let the sideways, caught off guard messes throw me off. Let November be the month you work to gain gratitude, then keep it all year long. Not because you have to, but because you earnestly get to.

x. earnest mom.