Category Archives: motherhood

Permission to Finish Softly.

Status

Reply

It is one week from Christmas, yes SEVEN days from that wonderful, blessed day where we celebrate the birth of Christ and maybe a merry elf who loves to leave our favorites under the tree.  My shopping list is still quite long and after the last three weeks which included a root canal, food poisoning and every person in this house sick with this cold that seems to be EVERYWHERE, the to-do’s before Christmas arrives feel endless.

As I take a break and scroll through the social media platform of choice, I am seeing so much “hustle mama,” “you got this,” and “finish strong” all over the place.  From fancy wrapping paper hacks to reminder to move an elf – it seems as though even a quick scroll only adds to one’s holiday to-do’s.

I am a lover of family traditions that we do together, from baking, to making Christmas gifts and garlands, I love being creative and getting the kids involved. I enjoy color coordinating my gift wrapping, making sure Santa’s cookies are home baked and delivering goodies to friends and family. I really like getting stuff done and feeling accomplished. This year though, this year that has been trying, busy and at times over whelming – I am not trying to “finish strong.” I am not trying to end the year with a huge bang, get it all done kind of attitude. Instead, I am giving myself permission to “finish softly.”

Finishing softly by not making ALL the Christmas things; I have strung dried orange garland wound up in a bowl because we have not had time to buy the garland to hang with it. I have stockings in a blue storage bin parked at the bottom of the stairs waiting to be hung because we ran out of command strips. I have all the ingredients to unbaked cookies on my counters waiting to be darling little cookie trees with the softest butter cream icing ever. There are Amazon, Walmart and Target boxes all stacked, unopened and unwrapped filled from Black Friday and Cyber Monday hauls for Christmas gifting, just waiting to be sorted, wrapped, and set.

There are kids’ toys, books, and clothes that I want to sort through before all the new comes in from Christmas. New items that will overwhelm already bursting drawers, filled toy bins and piled high bookshelves. It will not all get done before Christmas, and likely not all before 2023. But I am giving myself the “okay” to go easy. Taking the time to read, snuggle all up with kiddos and blankets and watch movies, enjoy hot cocoa, and go looking for Christmas lights – the Christmas to-dos will keep.

Finishing this year softly by going into this week of homeschool lightly, not feeling pressure to get all the homeschool Christmas lessons done – just getting something in each day. Reading the Nutcracker together, baking for fun, not perfection, and laughing to Alexa’s Christmas jokes together. Making hot tea and enjoy sleepy mornings with warm scones from the oven. Breaking out the Kiwi Crate and craft some fun gifts for giving. Calling a neighbor or friend to say Merry Christmas and ask how they are doing. Going softly with my family, not rushing, pushing, and trying to finish this year in anyway but gently.

Finishing soft by taking time for rest.  Sacred rest.  Saying no to the good things so I can say yes to the best things in my life.  Not adding anything more to a to-do list that will already remain incomplete for the new few weeks.  Going to bed in good timing, resting with my love and staying connected during the hustle and bustle around us.  Closing the door, shutting the blinds, and taking time to breathe, pray and restore.  Going easy into the season of giving by giving myself permission to go gently and be intentional.

It is hard to go easy, it feels like mom culture around me says “first, biggest, most!” or “more, better, everything.” For me this year, these next few weeks, I do not want to end this year with some huge finale or crescendo, I want it to slowly melt into 2023. Gently roll into the new year with revival on my heart, restoration in my soul and go softly. Mama, if this season is getting to be over whelming – give yourself permission to finish softly. We are world changers, but let’s aim for micro changes that are a balm to the weariness of our souls. Less hustle and go softly.

I Am THAT Mom.

Posted on by
1

I am also human, and working on myself one step at a time.

As I prepare to write this, I earnestly feel gutted. Today, I was THAT mom. The mom that I have seen a million times; trying to keep it together as she can feel the entire façade of “everything is perfect” start to crumble and slip away. At first it was hard, but as I realized that I am human I was forced to give myself some grace.

Let’s set the stage for you. Thunderstorms kept us indoors. So movie and popcorn it is, until the popcorn maker got knocked over spilling popcorn every where and cracking the side panel. It was an accident, stay chill mama – accidents happen and its just a popcorn machine. Then children kept climbing the counter, literally I was taking children down from the countertops. Things started to calm until the hall closet upstairs was completely dissected from its contents while I was cleaning the popcorn machine. By then, the window to prepare dinner was closed, my oldest needed to go to karate and this mama was waving her white flag. It was enough.

My vehicle was parked across the street at my mother in laws and since my youngest two usually refuse pants and shoes, I needed to move the car to my driveway to save them from crossing the street shoeless (I have learned to pick my battles, shoes make it to the car in case they’re needed but I do not fight them on – in these cases I prefer peace to the fight). I called all three to the kitchen and said “get your shoes ready and stay RIGHT HERE, I am bring the car over.” They get busy putting their shoes on and I hot footed it across the street. All of the sudden, as I open the driver door there is my middle little. She startled me, then I realized she had ran across the street unassisted and that her 3 year old brother is likely right behind her. In my fear, my frustration I yelled at her. Ouch, it hurts my heart to even write that as I have been really working on my volume and tone with my children, but I was scared. Scared she could have been hurt, scared my youngest would soon be doing the same or is elsewhere outside completely unsupervised. I yelled, right at her “you scared me, and what about brother?! IS he safe?! I told you to stay in the house as I ran across the street!! Why didn’t you stay???” Ugh. We ran back to the house, and my oldest and youngest were standing right where I had asked them to stay only three minutes before.

Now I tell you, I have seen this mom around, so many times. Tired, worried, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, angry, frustrated, and yelling at her kid. Until this moment, I had always viewed the “yelling” mom as such a villain – and to all the moms I have judged before, I earnestly apologize. This is so HARD. Not that I condone yelling at children, however when I was scared, overwhelmed and worried for the safety of my children, that panic kicked in and naturally my voice elevated.

As soon as I saw all three of my children safe (my oldest is 11, so legally he can stay 3 minutes with his siblings as I drive up to get them, in case you are worried lol); I knelt down, cried and apologized instantly for yelling. I asked for my middle little’s forgiveness, I explained how scared I was but that yelling was not appropriate and I am working hard not to yell anymore. Then something surprising happened, she apologized for not listening and saw how scary that was for me. I was taken aback. I did not expect her to mirror my actions, to recognize and acknowledge her mistake and my feelings. It was messy, it was hard, but even in my mama-meltdown epic failure moments, these brilliant amazing little humans are still learning forgiveness, empathy and owning their own mistakes.

Yes, I am THAT mom. I am the mom that struggles with keeping my temper, sometimes doesn’t get food to the table on time (by the way we ordered in tonight), allows too much screen time, gives in to some demands to avoid the fight, and yells when I do not mean to. I am also THAT mom who forgives quickly, loves fully, asks for forgiveness and apologizes to show them I make mistakes too, and would protect my children at all costs. I cry in the bathroom, laugh at the dinner table and hug with everything I have got. I am 100% that mom and proud.

x. earnest mom.