Facebook, it’s not you it is me…wait no, it is totally you.

Confession, I am a Facebook user however, it is one of those things in my life that has been causing more annoyance than anything. The rants, the politics, the over dramatized version of lives that I really can see through immediately and truly never care to know SO MUCH about. My least favorite are the posts that post some super hot topic as a question as right or wrong and says, “going to get popcorn and sit back and read.” Ugh.

Another confession, before Christmas I deleted Facebook off of my phone and really wanted to focus on the people around me versus those on a screen. Would you believe my screen time average dropped by 75%?! What was I doing on Facebook that much?! Who knows; but whatever it was made it enough that I decided to break up with it.

Do not get me wrong, Facebook can be used for good – it can, and I am not here to say that it is bad all around – just no longer something I want to have so much of in my life. I mean, I had become someone that says to my friends “well did you see my Facebook post?” Expecting them to be SO interested in my life that they would want to constantly see everything about me. When I realized that I decided – no more. I am now being intentional on sharing PERSONAL messages and pictures with family and friends in actual messages to them. Mind you, I still really enjoy seeing my friends and their children when they post – honestly, I do and I will continue to hit the virtual heart when I see them. I just need to reevaluate what Facebook means to me in my earnest life.

It was an amicable break. Clean, thoughtful and a beneficial one. Now I allow myself a few minutes where I intentionally get on my laptop, sign on and visit Facebook for a few moments a day. It has been more than a month and my average screen time is about 22-33 minutes a day (which includes the Pokemon Go we play as a family for fun).

I have had less opinions (well err gossip if I am being honest) of other peoples lives because I am not reading all about everyone every single day. I still text, reach and talk to people – a lot actually but my friendship cannot not measured by whether I choose to thumbs up or heart specific posts. And honestly I am a better and more intentional friend for it.

Sorry Facebook, it was kinda good while it lasted but I am moving on. I need less Facebook and more face time with the people in my life, including my husband, children and friends. They are SO worth it!

Find your people, a current focus in our MOPS International theme this year. Find your village. This is such an integral part of motherhood; all those late nights, days inside with sick kids or leaving kids home to be at work, it can get lonely. Reaching out to fellow moms can help so much, and if you have a local moms group like MOPS that is even better. If you do not have a moms group, start one. Get online with local moms and see if anyone is interested, I bet there are many. Having a fellow mom that gives you an uplift when you need it, an ear when you cannot talk to anyone else or a prayer when you do not have the answers can make all the difference. Sometimes, we can encounter moms that take the faith in a village away – some that can make us feel less.

Recently I was in the grocery store with my three children, let me set the scene. My youngest who is 2 refuses to keep shoes or socks on (even though it is cold and snowy) and tries to wriggle out of all the shopping cart belts, my middle little has a super power of big emotions and usually ends up crying in disappointment when we do not have the time to stop and look at all the Disney Lip Glosses on an end cap, and my oldest is a busy body who wants to touch all the groceries and talk to me about all the Pokemon.

So, there I was standing in the dairy aisle looking to see which organic egg brand was on sale with a 2 year old barefoot and crying because I will not let him stand in the cart, my 5 year old who is crying into my coat because I will not spend $8 on Disney Princess Lip Gloss and my 9 year old talking louder than the cries to see if I know which Pokemon he is talking about. Reader, overwhelmed is an understatement but working on my patience and keeping it cool a fellow mom approaches me. She is smiling, about 10 years my senior and stops at the base of my cart. She proceeds to say “Well, get used to it. It only gets worse before it gets any better. Best of luck!” Proud as punch for the “sage advice” she has just given me, she walks away waving and smiling. I was shocked, here I am alone struggling with my three kids trying to grab a few essentials and this was the what I got. I am sure somewhere there was intent to try to relate to me but sorry ma’am, not today – not in this grocery store, this was not that moment.

This encounter made so thankful for the group of women and moms that I have in my corner, they show me what a true village is. If I had no community of moms and women that I know to be loving, supporting and caring, this experience alone could have enough power to make me doubt I could ever find it. A few takeaways from the experience for me:

1. A kind word always (ALWAYS) comforts more than a harsh one.

2. If you cannot say anything nice, say nothing at all.

3. I want to do better, I want to reach out and be kind to all my fellow mamas out there.

4. The “Golden Rule” always applies, treat others as you want to be treated.

Please know, I have had great, positive encounters in grocery stores, men and women. Some who have played peek a boo with my children, offered them toys from their purses (including one who gave my son a seamstress measuring tape to keep him occupied while I paid) and some who have reached into their pockets and given my children dollar bills. There are good people out there and I am sharing my experience to put hope out there that even though we may have some not so good experiences with fellow moms, we can make the difference.

Uplifting actions will only build communities while negative ones reach up and break them down. Let’s be encouraged, let’s earnestly be the change. I do not want another mom to feel as helpless, hopeless and isolated as I did in that moment. Sprinkle kindness like confetti – let it get everywhere. Find your village, even if it means you have to take the shovel and start by building the foundation. Let’s be a village that lifts one another.

x. earnest mom.

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24

I am not a “New Year New Me” kind of person; it just does not work for me and honestly causes me too much pressure to come up with changes and promises that by January 10th end in dissolution and disappointment. That is me though, I am imperfect and human on my best days. This year I did want to have a focus; a way to make things more simple for myself and one word stood out to me: LESS.

I want less, less clutter, less things, less overwhelm. I need less of the busy, demanding and constant that is in this world and less time spent on things other than what is really important to me.

By committing to less, keeping my kids in less activities, scrolling social media less, and looking outside to what everyone else is doing less is causing me to actually have MORE. I have found in a few short weeks, I have more time, more patience, more fun, more moments that make me smile, and more focus on my family, marriage, home and me. I usually listen to audio books while mop or do the dishes but I have actually found the time to get halfway through Jane Austen’s Emma – something that used to be near impossible for this SAHM of three. Less busyness has made more time!

I am giving myself permission to replace the “shoulds” in my life with “coulds.” Instead of pressuring myself like “I should fill in any demand on moms, women or wives here.” And giving myself the permission to say I COULD do it but I do not have to. I do not know about you, but when I fail to do something I feel I should do feels a whole lot worse than failing to do something I could do. (Thank you MOPS for that advice last year!).

So I am in this less attitude as I look at the non necessities in my life, and I am seeing so much more available to me that just naturally falls into place, and the more is really good. This feels incredibly organic compared my past failed attempts of doing more, more, more! I only found that adding more to my plate without taking anything off, threw me off and I was left more overwhelmed and frazzled than before. Sound familiar?! It has taken 35 years but I have finally learned, I cannot do it all and that is ok. I love me for me. God created me just as I am, and there is so much comfort in that knowledge.

What things could be less in your life that could help you find more? Please, share.

x earnest mom.