Tag: mental-health

Finding Earnest Connection in Motherhood

Finding Earnest Connection in Motherhood

by earnestmomblog ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Motherhood is earnestly beautiful – but it can also be lonely.

We spend our days pouring out – packing lunches, reading stories, wiping tears (and bottoms). And while our hearts are full of love for our family, many of us have the quiet worry… Who is pouring into me??

God never meant for us to be alone, not in life and especially not in motherhood.

We are created for connection, for laughter across the kitchen table. For prayers whispered over coffee. For a knowing glance or silent hand squeeze in the toughest of times. Moments that say, we are in this together.

The thing about motherhood, with all its moving pieces, we find that friendships take a back seat and then it is hard to make new ones or even pick up old ones. Friendship in motherhood takes intention, and often takes courage. In a recent Ohio State University survey, 71% of moms said that the demands of parenthood made them feel lonely sometimes or a lot of the time. That is every 2 out of 3 moms you know or meet. The facts are staggering, and what’s more once we get into the that lonely place, it is so tough to get out.

Do not lose hope mama, it may take a little work, being a bit awkward but the truth is – we are all awkward and nervous. Here are some gentle steps you can take if you are craving deeper friendships this season.

  1. Be Brave enough to go first. Sometimes friendship starts with a simple smile or a brave “Hi!” at the park or in the church nursery room. It’s ok to feel nervous – you are not alone in that.
  2. Extend small invitations. You do not need to plan a big event or playdate – send a quick test saying “want to grab coffee?” or “want to join me for a stroller walk today?” These are great places to start mama, one small step at a time.
  3. Embrace imperfect connections. Friendships do not require dust free baseboards or a five course meal. Invite someone over, even if the laundry is out. Real connections grow in real life situations.
  4. Look for the mom standing alone. Maybe at church, the park or your local homeschool co-op, the library or even waiting outside the pick line at school. She is probably just a nervous as you but longing for a friend too!
  5. Ask God for friendship. Do not forget to pray! Ask the Lord to bring the right women into your life – someone who will see you, support you and will help you grow with him.

Mama, we were made for community. We were made for connection.

Be bold. Be kind. Be willing to go first. Be awkward. Be real. And walk in truth – it is hard to step out and make new friends, but it is harder to be in this alone. So, choose your hard mama. Sometimes the best of friendships began with a shared smile or a spare diaper, because you have run out of diapers while in the bathroom at a department store too.

I have included some sweet and simple ways to connect – Mom Connection Cards! Print the cards out, fill in your name and number and keep them in the diaper bag, purse or glove box. Hand them to another mom when the moment feels right – it is the first step that can lead to some beautiful rewards.

Remember, in motherhood we are in this together, one earnest MOMent at a time.

Love, Earnest Mom.

Navigating Parenting in a Digital Age: Let’s Earnestly Talk Teens and Cellphones

Navigating Parenting in a Digital Age: Let’s Earnestly Talk Teens and Cellphones

by earnestmomblog ♥ 1 Comment

Cell phones. We all know them, most of us have them, some of us love them, some of us hate them. Some days I feel tethered to this tiny pocket computer. It has me wanting to throw it away. Then I realize how much I depend on it. We are self employed and every call is potential income – this pressure can be a lot. Then there is the scrolling, listening, reading and mindless games that I use it for to. As a 40 year old adult with a fully formed brain, there are times I struggle to regulate on my phone. So when it came to the decision to introduce a cell phone to our oldest, we were weary and hesitant.

The first requests for a cell phone came as early as 8 years old. We shrugged them off with the answer, “You can have a phone when you go to college.” We were certain about one thing. We were not going to consider a phone before the age of 13. Once 13 came around, our now teen was asking for a phone. We home school, and he spends most weeknights at karate. Otherwise, we spend most of our time together. He was asking for a phone mainly for entertainment and talking to friends. We decided to revisit it in one year.

In that year, I did research. Brain development and behavior related teen and child phone usage. The findings were worrisome at best. The dopamine-driven feedback loops (or dopamine hits that our brain gets from digital stimulation) was most alarming. This happens every time we get a notification or find something new and exciting, our brains gets a small dopamine hit. This reward comes to us at unpredictable intervals and our brains get hooked on the need for more. As an adult, I have concerns about what this is doing to my brain. Yes, I do have social media. Yes, I do struggle and use phone limits as reminders to stop scrolling. With this in mind, a big question I had was, how will this impact my teen’s growing brain? This kept me in the no camp for sure on cell phones. There of course are many other concerns but this one, on a developmental level was once of my biggest.

A year later, he was now 14 and asking again and again for a cell phone. So my husband, our teen and myself had a discussion…actually we had many discussions about getting a cell phone. We came to a resolve that our 14 year old would have to write us two 5 paragraph essays. One essay had to tackle the negative effects of cell phones and social media on teens today. The second essay needed to be persuasive. It should explain, with references, why he should still get a cell phone after all he had learned. This was early 2024. By Christmas, we had received 2 papers. They had been written, revised, and rewritten a few times. After more discussions around what his findings here, we decided to get him a cell phone.

The influence of social media was another concern, and on this topic we have decided no social media until 18. Our son actually came up with this plan. He decided not to be on social media. He made this decision after doing the research and learning about how social media is affecting his peers. He could not believe the way social media interactions was negatively impacting teens his age and even people he knew. He decided that all social media was not good until you are an adult and maybe even after that.

Once we decided to get the phone, we had lots of discussion. We talked about how the phone will be used. We also discussed why, when, and where it will be used. Who will be on his phone, who can have access to him. I am still uneasy at how intimate texting can be, something I struggle to balance too. We installed an AMAZING parental control app (Aura). We then talked about time limits, safe apps and what we expect. I have heard of some parents having a written contract. We decided, however, to build an experience around ‘being a man of your word.’ We honor all we commit to, even verbal agreements. Ground rules for every family will be different. I will not be explicit here. However, we lean more towards conservative usage than liberal.

The phone has been in our teen’s hands for 6 months now and it has not been without its hiccups. I am thankful for those times though. As parents, we are still able to guide and coach our teen. We help him through life situations that some teens may hide or feel alone in. He still has mom and dad in his corner. No matter what he is facing, we are thankful to be alongside him in this space. We have many discussions on appropriate language and behavior on text. We emphasize using manners with friends and respecting boundaries. We also focus on establishing boundaries early and often for healthy friendships. These friendships are important even if they are mainly through text and digital spaces.

There are many resources available about cell phone and social media effects on teens and children. One resource I love is Wait Until 8th. The site is full of resources. It supports families dealing with phones and social media. It also has a pledge. Wait until the end of 8th grade (or later) before giving our children a smart phone. We learned about Wait Until 8th at the end of last year. I have already taken the pledge for my youngest earnest kiddos. By default, our oldest was in 9th before he got his smart phone. Looking for a community waiting on smart phone use with kids? Take the pledge with me and get the support you need as a parent. Let’s wait until after 8th together.

Let me know if you are taking the pledge!

And remember, we are getting through motherhood together, one EARNEST MOMent at a time – you are not alone mama.

Love, Earnest Mom

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Navigating Parenting in a Digital Age: Earnest Insights from the 2025 Common Sense Summit

by earnestmomblog ♥ 2 Comments

My oldest and I were recently invited to sit on a panel for the Common Sense Summit on Kids and Families. The event took place in San Francisco last week. We discussed parenthood in this digital time. We sat with resident Aura Chief Medical Officer, Scott Kollins; the amazing Editor in Chief for Parent Magazine, Grace Bastidas; and Jill Murphy, the Chief Content Officer for Common Sense Media. To say we sat among giants in the tech field would be an understatement of this 2-day event. This summit gave stage to many voices that need to be heard. These included youth voices, policymakers, and experts in adolescence and brain science. It allowed tech companies that need to hear them to listen.

The Common Sense Summit was organized by Common Sense Media (CSM), it is a parent tech support website. I have referenced it as a tool I use to navigate movie, book, and game content. I do this before my children view, read, or play them. This was the second annual event for CSM, and it was eye-opening for me; here are my earnest takeaways.

Parents feel lonely while navigating this space. I received an overwhelming outpouring of appreciation from fellow blog moms, podcasters, and women in technology. They thanked me for speaking up for parents in this space. I met so many parents. They feel like technology and their children are an incredible demand on them. There are few or no resources available for them. The research is being done and stats are rolling in; this tech world is more dangerous than we thought. I do not want to take away from the distinct advantages that technology can bring to our world. It can even enhance learning and experiences for children. However, the mass unregulated content that is available today is causing harm and trauma to children. This is no light issue. As a mom to three, I favor the “less is best” policy when it comes to technology. This policy, according to this conference, landed my family in the “outlier” category. Wherever parents stand on when and how to give tech/screens to their children, the common feeling is this is hard. We are going at it alone.

The next takeaway is that tech companies care, but it feels surface-level. This conference was sold out, and from Apple to YouTube to Anthropic, companies were here to listen. Unfortunately, I struggle to see the action behind this listening. As a parent, it feels as though tech companies will say the right things. However, our children are still left vulnerable in areas that are growing so quickly. It feels impossible to keep up with them. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt is an eye-opening book. It discusses the real toll that “phone-based childhoods” are taking on our next generations (a read I highly recommend). All the while, big tech companies are adding more and more ways to have apps hidden on phones. These apps are masked as safe. More content is available for young eyes before their brains are ready. However, one of the stars that stood out to me from this conference was Bill Ready, CEO of Pinterest. He shared the levels that Pinterest has gone to in order to keep it safe for children. As a result, it is not like other social media. I always felt that Pinterest was my ‘safe’ app, the one I open and just dream—well, no wonder! They worked hard to make it. They kept it that way even when they lost monetarily to start. All social media companies should follow suit!

California is leading the US in policy to keep children safe on technology. New York follows closely. My earnest kiddo and I left with an urgent need to take action. We decided to write to our legislators and state representatives. We want to call on them to create laws for safer online environments for children and youth. This includes safety on phones, social media, and with AI. Think globally, act locally, right?! We are writing our letters today. We are asking for policy change. You can too if this resonates with you. Google your state representatives and get their emails. Ask them what they are doing to keep our most vulnerable populations safe in this unregulated tech world. Luckily, we have a state representative’s office less than a mile away, and we will be hand delivering his letter.

The last takeaway was this: I am so grateful that we waited until 14 years old before getting our oldest a phone. We have no plan for any social media (other than Pinterest) before 18. I did my own research, Grace exclaimed on our panel that I have “read actual research papers”. I explored any and all I could find about screen time, social media, and tech on growing brains. Years ago, when phones entered our parent radar, there was as little as I could find. All signs pointed to wait. Wait to give phones. Wait for social media. Wait until you have done research on how technology like this is affecting our children. What we did in our home seemed like an anomaly to many we met with, yet inspired many more. It is okay to wait and learn. It is safer to avoid handing over the tiniest computer. This can lead to unsafe spaces accessible in their pockets.

It was such an honor to grace the same stage as Hillary Clinton, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, and Geoffrey Canada. The greater honor was the chance to speak to parents. They are struggling with deciding when and how to introduce AI, phones, and social media to their children. To share our story and have it resonate with so many, I was truly blessed. Be sure to check out the Common Sense Summit on Kids and Families next year. I am certain it will only get better from here! You can also view this year’s panels by searching #CSSUMMIT25.

Stay tuned. I will share what we did before introducing a personal mobile smart phone to our 14 year old soon.

x. earnest mom