Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day; a day full of love, roses, chocolates and well a celebration of the one or ones (like my kiddos too) that give us all the heart eyes.

Since we have had children, Valentine’s Day morphed into celebrating them. We usually have either a color or heart themed dinner followed up with a family night of fun. This year however, I wanted to be more intentional on celebrating my marriage.

My situation may sound like yours, I am a stay at home mom – day and night I am always on call. My husband (bless him) holds 3 part time jobs (which feels like 3 full time jobs most days); all so I can be home with our children. To top it off he is a full time (unpaid) pastor in the church we attend. Needless to say, sometimes the busyness of life like this takes the focus off of just “US.” This Valentine’s Day, I needed to change my focus to just him; trust me y’all he is worth it!!!

I took myself back to our dating, early marriage and pre-baby days. We took off on whims, laughed a lot (well, we still laugh a lot) but I remember waking up in the morning or finishing work in the evening and I could not wait to see him. So I went back there, two younglings blessed and in love – I started to be her again. Everyday I try to get back to that cute 23 year old and date my husband again. Do not get me wrong – we go on dates but I can honestly say I have not been dating him. I talking full on, thinking of you texts, his favorite meals, surprise date nights, and big squishy welcome homes when he walks in the door.

I know we talk about keeping our marriage a priority but I needed to do more than say it is. I am working hard to know it is. I am honored that this man is my husband, I want him to feel that honor. Soon enough our kids will be grown and gone, but I do not want to wait to focus on him until then.

Any other moms relate?! I mean I know, between homework, a demanding 16 month old who is still nursing, colds, flus, a preschooler blossoming before me and my own sanity – needing to share my attention can seem daunting but it is necessary. So this Valentine’s Day, we will be off for three days (2 nights) there are surprises planned, dinners planned, fun to be had; and because we are responsible/practical adults – we also scheduled our tax appointment because we will be kidless (I mean, adulting is hard and annoying sometimes)!

There are seasons in any marriage, and the children season seams to be rewarding but trying one that really does test many limits. But it is also worth it to stop, slow down and focus on your marriage – at least it has been for me. Taking myself back a decade and reminding myself how in love with my husband I really am has changed my outlook during this crazy time. Dating again may not look as grand as our weekend planned (taxes and all); but it can start with flirting, hand-holding, letter writing or even learning each other’s love languages and spoiling each other in them – every moment invested in your marriage will come back ten fold.

x. earnest mom.

Truth be told. The idea of being the “Best Mom Ever” is actually both attainable and unrealistic; it all depends on how you look at it.

Rewind to 9 years ago when I welcomed my sweet, darling first born child. I was absolutely convinced that I was meant to be a mother, but I was also meant to be a mother to only one child. I still remember the moment when he was about 9 weeks old, swaddled, sleeping and full of milk; I looked down on his darling cherub of a face and cried. I cried feeling how full of love my heart was and knowing 100% that I could never have another child because I could never love another child as I loved that sweet sleeping babe.

I gave him the best I could; I mean I was a brand new mama and all those mama bear instincts were at the forefront and I served up being the “best mom ever” every moment I could. Breastfed because I knew breast was best, until my breast was no longer best and we supplemented; I fed him only “organic, zero food dye, and low sugar/zero artificial sweeteners of any kind” foods; making all my own baby food. I cloth diapered his sweet little butt, used all organic soaps and shampoos, natural lotions free of all the stuff that was bad for us. (Trust me, I was THAT mom standing in the aisles of the supermarket reading EVERY INGREDIENT in EVERY PRODUCT that would come into contact with my baby). He did not drink any kind of juice before 2 years old, honestly had nearly ZERO screen time before 2 (as recommended by ALL the professionals), slept through the night by 9 weeks; and ugh, if I go on, this current mother of three will may straight up disown that intense mama of one, bless her little mama heart!

Once baby number two had come along, my heart honestly grew. (Yup – full on Grinch style, I mean as a mother of three now I know that my heart has grown three sizes). Anyways, as a mother of 2 week old and a busy but adorable 4 year old I convinced myself that I had given the best I could ever be to my first born and from here on out, every consecutive child after him would inevitably suffer since they would be getting a more lax, hand-me-down kind of mama. Man – I really let that though dictate the last few years of my life – and it actually makes me a bit sad that I accepted that lie, that only I had told myself. “He got the best of me, and well good luck all future kids.” So when my second born watched Sesame Street before 2 years old, PROOF. When she ate non organic fruits and veggies, PROOF. When she took a pacifier until 3, slept in our bed until 2.5, definitely drank juice before two and I could go on and on but needless to say I proved daily how terrible I was as a mom.

My third child, he is wild and squishy, loving and juicy all at once. He is barely 1.5 and loves watching Cars. He was walking, no running by 10 months and has eaten all of the foods – organic, non organic, GMO and non-GMO and truthfully even even straight from the trash can and until about six months ago I shrugged it all off with this thought that “The Best Mom” no longer exists because she was all used up with my first born and now, she will never be seen from again.

Reader; I tell you I was wrong…so wrong. I had an epiphany this summer. It was raining, we were stuck inside and my children were way MORE than “slightly less than tolerable” – I mean this mom was done. I told myself I am the worst mom ever because only the worst mom ever could raise such little terrors at that moment. In my haste and anger I stopped getting after them, walked into my room and said “Mommy is on a time out.” I knew that I was so angry that if I went bonkers, at least I would spare them from that unpleasantness. But as I slammed the door so hard that the sign fell off the wall next to it, and my oldest said “uh-oh, she is really upset.” I realized; I will only ever be the best I allow myself to be.

That was a wake up call. Before that moment, I secretly told myself daily, I was a bad mom. I had over heard friends complain about my children’s behavior (which in their defense was TOTALLY normal behaviors for 8,3 and 1 year olds when birthday cake was present) and told myself it was because I was not a good enough as a mom. Even while writing blogs and posts about lifting other moms and getting through motherhood together; I was still silently shaming myself. But in that moment after the door slamming, it was like I heard myself say “okay, maybe not ‘The Best Mom’ but I am the best mom for my kids.”

And that was it, I am not the mom I was 9 years ago (phew because she was exhausted trying to be the BEST MOM EVER) but I am also not the mom I was when I was a mom of two. But I am the mom that God saw fit to bless with these three beautiful little souls. He chose me. I want to live every day trying my best to be that mom. The imperfect, loud laughing, introverted, impatient, hard loving, life speaking, hug giving mama that I am. I am satisfied today, to be earnest and perfectly-imperfect.

So, is there an actual “best mom?!” YES, yes…YOU. You mama are the best mom for the little ones that you tuck in and kiss at night. You are the best that could ever be for them and in that, there is so much perfection. Perfect love, even in the mess ups, forgotten play dates, I mean – I know I have accidentally let me kid fall off of the couch. But perfectly imperfect for our children is exactly who we were meant to be. The best moms ever! And just as every child is different, every mom is different but if you are worried about being the “best mom,” you probably already are. Give yourself some grace, we all deserve it and know – even in our low moments we are still the best mamas for our littles. Trying your best looks different every day (also looks absolutely different for every family). What a blessing it is that children are so forgiving and wreck less with their love, because even when we mess up they still come back to us with the best hugs and kisses ever.

Be encouraged today mamas, and know you are the best mom your children could ever have! Imperfect, but perfect for them.

x. earnest mom.

Here Is How We Adapted the KonMari Method into Our Earnest Home, and What We Did Not Do.

This New Years Day, Netflix gifted us the lovely Marie Kondo. She is adorable, sweet and according to her series Tidying Up – she has helped a lot of people tidy up. I read her book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying” when it came out a few years ago and it made me reevaluate our clutter. However, reading and seeing the method in action on Netflix were two different experiences for me.

I absolutely agree with the reasoning that less clutter creates a more peaceful and joyful space. The past few months we had already gone through every box in our basement and got rid of an embarrassing amount of donations, recycling and trash that we had been storing in our basement for the past few years. Before Christmas we went through toys with the kids and tossed what was broken and missing pieces; then donated toys that had not been used in a long time. Since we were already on our journey to less is best – Tidying Up got us back on track, especially with clothes.

One of the methods in KonMari that I love is the folding and storing of clothing. I have purged so many old and unused clothes it is amazing. I literally have a drawer and a half empty and one drawer that has my essential oils, hair items and jewelry organized! The clothes are easy to see and believe it or not, since “tidying” my clothes the KonMari way, I actually enjoy doing my laundry. Until this point, my whole life I have referred to laundry as my nemesis, but after adopting this new way of handling my clothes I really do enjoy it. It was really fun to do my 4 year old daughter’s clothes and see what items she treasured and the ones she did not; there were some I wanted to keep that she said no, and some I wanted to toss that she wanted to keep! Of course, I stayed respectful of her likes and dislikes. Now she loves her clothes and what she chose plus putting them away!

Another part of her method I like is putting all of the items that need to be tidied in one big pile. It truly is moving to see how much I had, and how much I actually used, or even liked. This process really helped me put into perspective what items were necessary and what items were simply cluttering up my space. So far, 3 out of the 5 of us have our clothes all tidied up and we are moving on to the next tasks.

One thing that did we not follow, was whether or not an item “sparked joy” for us. We are not ones who have ever had on object that brought true joy or looked to find joy in an object – rather it is having Christ in our home and each other where we find our joy. Mind you, I do respect and understand being around things that make you feel joy so you will have a joyful space, it just was not for us. So instead of looking at inanimate objects and “waking them up” or “thanking” them for being in our lives before we get rid of them , we used a more relatable approach. Instead of holding an item and asking ourselves if it sparked joy for us, we held the item and asked, “do I use this, will I use this, do I really need this, or do I still like this?” We found these questions were more practical for our home.

One phrase that has become my motto is “not having what I want, but wanting what I already have.” This mind set has helped me to appreciate what I have. I thank God for the items that I have used and am now passing on or simply throwing away. This mindset has really changed the way I look at items in my home, and the journey is a slow one but I am excited to see the final results.

So, are you tidying or is the KonMari Method not for you? Let me know if organizing or minimizing is a current or future plan for your home!

x. earnest mom.