Every Child Matters. My Story.

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Warning. This article may trigger those who are victims of residential boarding schools in Canada and the US, and those who have been affected by all manners of abuse.

“For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them.” – Sir Thomas More, Utopia

I have written and rewritten this post over and over. Being a second and third generation of residential school survivors, as the news that broke from Kamloops, BC of the 215 children found in unmarked graves I was overcome with emotion. Grief, anger, sadness, shame and in some respect relief.

The news that Canada and the US had a horrific secret, that they took countless indigenous children forced from the arms into schools that beat them, cut their hair, degraded and verbally abused them, then ultimately sexually abusing them as well. The world was shocked, friends of mine reaching out and saying, “Is this true? We never knew.” The thing is, we knew. We knew all along.

Growing up in an Indigenous family and within the Indigenous communities of Windsor and Six Nations Ontario Canada, we knew. As a people who culturally share a verbal history, we were told of what happened to our family members, why our grandparents could no longer speak their language, why substance abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and brokenness was prevalent. My father shared a story with us from his youth as we were children. He asked my great grandmother if she could teach him her language (Mohawk of Six Nations) and with tears streaming down her face she shook her head and said “I cannot make the words come from here (pointing to her head) to here (pointing to her mouth).” I can distinctly remember the first time my father shared this story with me, his eyes filled with tears as he remembered how broken his grandmother was. The truth is, they beat children who only knew their language (some as young as 3 or 4) until they spoke English. Heartbreaking.

I remember a story my mother shared of her father, who was in residential school until he was 16. He ran away, joined the US Army having lied and saying he was 18. His intent was to go to war and die, rather than return to residential school where he was abused beyond what my words can share. Let the fact that at 16, being killed in war was the better option, offer some perspective.

These children were then sent home, raised by abusers and not knowing any better themselves as they were “lucky” enough to some back home alive, and they in turn would raise broken generations. Today, our families, our people struggle to overcome this part of our history. Then these 215 beautiful souls cried out from the earth and gave a voice to what we have been carrying for generations.

I cannot speak for all children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren of residential school survivors, but I can speak from my own personal pain and experience. Intergenerational trauma has manifested in my family in the forms of verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, alcohol and substance abuse, suicide and mental health issues and shame.

Heart in a bottle
High on a shelf
Fragile, but just out of reach
Cause you build a fortress
With the distance you keep
But when your heart aches
Doesn’t it cut deep?

You don’t have to suffer
Suffer in silence
You don’t have to suffer
Suffer in silence

Don’t you know that your
Heart can feel like an anchor
When you keep it all inside
No no, don’t suffer in silence

Withered in sadness
And hurting inside
But feeling afraid to impose
So you’re an island
But you don’t have to be
Cause if you’re inclined
You can talk to me

But you don’t have to suffer
Suffer in silence

– Susan Aglukark, Suffer in Silence

I remember sitting in the dark in the back of my parent’s car driving to Toronto and watching the headlights pass as I sang this song, Suffer in Silence, we all sang at the top of our lungs. This song echoed through my heart constantly. The burden that was the knowledge of knowing what happened to my family in those schools, the trauma that caused my stomach to flip when I had my first child and praised God that I did not have to face him being taken from me against my will and risk never seeing his round smiling face again. It welled up in me and grew into shame. The shame of the behaviors of my family, the shame from knowing their hurt. The shame from suffering in silence.

Every Child Matters brought light to the shame, and there was a relief that it was illuminated and cast out. The intergenerational shame of feeling like it was our fault, we were the savages and that is why it was kept out of the history books, the shame that anchored to me and pulled me down was released. I cannot fully explain why it is this way, but it is. It was a darkness that was tangible and visceral that was always there.

Today, as Every Child Matters, Orange Shirt Day (Canada) and Truth and Reconciliation (Canada) events will be held, I ache for the loss of generations but honor the voice they have given to this generational shame. It is only by sharing, given a voice to the broken, forgiveness and healing will we see true reconciliation.

What is Orange Shirt Day, Residential Schooling, Every Child Matters, and Truth and Reconciliation? See links below.

https://www.orangeshirtday.org/

https://www.canada.ca/en/canadian-heritage/campaigns/national-day-truth-reconciliation.html

https://boardingschoolhealing.org/education/us-indian-boarding-school-history/

https://www.nicwa.org/boarding-schools/

Rate My Park – Summer Series Part 2

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An Earnest Experience in Erie County Pennsylvania

All summer long, Fridays will be designated to exploring parks in Erie County PA and rating them!  The Earnest Littles and I are having a blast park hopping and seeing what is out there!  Each post will give a final rating out of 10 for the overall park and then we will break down the categories.  For each park we are looking at equipment, cleanliness, bathroom options, parent spots and picnic facilities.

Please note, the opinions given in this post/rating are our opinions alone and do not speak for the parks, the townships or anyone else.  Our intent is to give a glimpse of our experience and how much we, as a family liked the park.

Greene Township Playground, 9333 Tate Road, Erie PA 16509

Overall Rating 9.75/10.  Wow!! This playground is amazing.  The play structures are huge and numerous, there is a side designed for children 5-12 years old, and 3-5 years old – perfect for our kiddos who range from 4-12 years – and it was mainly all fenced in.  There was so much to do we felt like if we left too soon, we would miss out on all the fun.  The running, laughter and joyous screams were aplenty as many families had made use of this incredible playground while we were there.  There is a massive amount of green space offering gorgeous panoramic views of baseball diamonds, football fields and what appears to be wooded/forested areas.  There is also the Paradise trail that is a ½ mile paved path which goes out to the vast green space behind the playground.  This park we HIGHLY recommend, if you go to any parks this summer, make sure you make it here!

Equipment:  The playground is massive.  I am not sure that I can fully describe it and ensure I have included all the adventure that is available.  On the 5–12-year-old side there is a massive climb structure/climber complete with a walking bridge (that lead to another climber that resembled a gazebo/playhouse), wall climbing, monkey bars, four slides (large covered twirling slide that what the height of the structure, one small one at the first level; and three slides side by side about halfway up the structure, that offered different textures/shapes for sliding experiences).  This is where we lose the 0.25 in the rating, the three slides are bumpy and all three of my kids said they did not enjoy 2/3 slides that are side by side since the ride down was slightly rough.  The ground cover on this side was wooden mulch/wood chips.  The swings were plentiful with six belt swings, one large swinging saucer and an inclusive swing on the 12-5-year-old side, then there were three bucket swings including one that was a parent-child swing on the 3–5-year-old side.

The 3-5-year-old side had a mini merry-go-round, and numerous play/climbing structures that resembled playhouses, a boat (which has an appropriately sized slide), a tractor, and a train.  There was so much to keep little feet busy and to discover from a percussion stand to large displays of braille letters (lower and upper case) and numbers.  The ground cover on this side was the manufactured rubber intact flooring (not the rubber pieces). 

All in all – this park was fully enjoyed from the 4-year-old to the 12-year-old.  In the picture of them, my 7-year-old gave a sideways thumb for the rough slide experience.

Cleanliness:  The park was very clean, there are plenty of trash cans located all over the park that allows for easy access and helps to keep it clean.  The equipment itself is kept up well, with natural wear from use it was pleasantly clean as well.

Bathrooms:  There is a decent bathroom building available for use (it was open when we were at the park).  It was fully stocked with toilet paper and soap at the sinks.  They appear to have at least two toilets per restroom (Men’s or Women’s) both equipped with a handicap option.  However, we did not see a change table option for itty bitty ones.

Parent Spots: There are numerous of benches located right by the playground, a few even had shade from some nearby trees.  The benches were located all around the playground equipment as well, lots of options – some had natural tree shade and on the 3–5-year-old side, there were benches with pergolas above them.

Picnic Facilities: Two large pavilions (one was smaller) with many wooden picnic tables fully.

Stay tuned for our next review.  Live in Erie County?  Have you been to this park?  What are your thoughts?

Guest Feature: Helping Kids Learn Self-Care

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We here at earnestmom.com are honored to once again have, Leslie Campos of https://wellparents.com to share some helpful tips on helping our children to learn some self-care – perfect for summer down times! Image via Pexels.

Practicing self-care is an important life skill that too few people are actively taught. In our society, the pressure is on us to always be the best. But if you don’t take time out to care for yourself, that becomes impossible. That’s why it’s a good idea to teach your children to practice self-care on a regular basis, as it will help set them up for happiness and success in the future. 

Encouraging Self-care

It’s easy to tell your children that taking care of themselves is important. What’s more difficult is being a role model and showing them how you take care of yourself. Let your kids see you taking time to practice self-care. Explain to them what you are doing and why. They will see the difference that taking care of yourself makes and be encouraged.

One important element of teaching this skill to your children is prioritizing them in your life. The day can get so busy, especially when life is busy. Actively plan when you will have quality time with your children and make sure you honor that commitment. Having a routine will make keeping the habit much simpler. That includes things like having a special bedtime routine together or having a Friday movie night.

Even if you have things to get done, you can involve your children. When you’re working in the kitchen, let them help or complete other simple chores in the area. If you have work to do from home, maybe they can read a book or color at your desk while you type.

Self-care Activities

Self-care falls into four categories: emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual. The activities are used to promote health in these areas and to eliminate stress. Some examples of self-care practices appropriate for kids are:

Emotional

  • Family time. Spending time around people who you care about and who care about you meets emotional needs.
  • Positive affirmations. Telling yourself positive things helps you build confidence and develop the relationship you have with yourself.

Physical

  • Eating healthy. Beyond just feeding your kids healthy foods, teach them about foods and help them have a positive attitude about what they eat.
  • Exercise. Even if it’s just going on a walk, teach your kids to get active. Some exercise on a daily basis is the best for most kids.
  • Reduce screen time. Not only does excessive screen time damage vision and prompt headaches, but it also promotes a sedentary lifestyle that is not good for your physical health.

Psychological

  • Journaling. Take time each day to reflect on events and write them down.
  • Creating. Whether it’s a drawing, a craft, a story, music, or something else, creative work exercises the brain and develops the mind.

Spiritual

  • Meditation and prayer. This gives you a chance to reflect and connect to a higher power or simply tune in to the world around you. 
  • Volunteer. Making connections in your community and serving others is powerful.

Self-care Is Important

Self-care is more than just basic hygiene and having a hobby. It is really slowing down, focusing on yourself, and taking care of your mental health. To see how one family manages it all, check out the earnestmom.com.