Tag: mommying

Earnest Echoes (articles revisited): I Am THAT Mom.

Earnest Echoes (articles revisited): I Am THAT Mom.

by earnestmomblog ♥ 1 Comment

*Originally published 07/30/2021. I am also human, and working on myself one step at a time.

As I prepare to write this, I earnestly feel gutted. Today, I was THAT mom. The mom that I have seen a million times; trying to keep it together as she can feel the entire façade of “everything is perfect” start to crumble and slip away. At first it was hard, but as I realized that I am human I was forced to give myself some grace.

Let’s set the stage for you. Thunderstorms kept us indoors. So movie and popcorn it is, until the popcorn maker got knocked over spilling popcorn every where and cracking the side panel. It was an accident, stay chill mama – accidents happen and its just a popcorn machine. Then children kept climbing the counter, literally I was taking children down from the countertops. Things started to calm until the hall closet upstairs was completely dissected from its contents while I was cleaning the popcorn machine. By then, the window to prepare dinner was closed, my oldest needed to go to karate and this mama was waving her white flag. It was enough.

My vehicle was parked across the street at my mother in laws and since my youngest two usually refuse pants and shoes, I needed to move the car to my driveway to save them from crossing the street shoeless (I have learned to pick my battles, shoes make it to the car in case they’re needed but I do not fight them on – in these cases I prefer peace to the fight). I called all three to the kitchen and said “get your shoes ready and stay RIGHT HERE, I am bring the car over.” They get busy putting their shoes on and I hot footed it across the street. All of the sudden, as I open the driver door there is my middle little. She startled me, then I realized she had ran across the street unassisted and that her 3 year old brother is likely right behind her. In my fear, my frustration I yelled at her. Ouch, it hurts my heart to even write that as I have been really working on my volume and tone with my children, but I was scared. Scared she could have been hurt, scared my youngest would soon be doing the same or is elsewhere outside completely unsupervised. I yelled, right at her “you scared me, and what about brother?! IS he safe?! I told you to stay in the house as I ran across the street!! Why didn’t you stay???” Ugh. We ran back to the house, and my oldest and youngest were standing right where I had asked them to stay only three minutes before.

Now I tell you, I have seen this mom around, so many times. Tired, worried, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, angry, frustrated, and yelling at her kid. Until this moment, I had always viewed the “yelling” mom as such a villain – and to all the moms I have judged before, I earnestly apologize. This is so HARD. Not that I condone yelling at children, however when I was scared, overwhelmed and worried for the safety of my children, that panic kicked in and naturally my voice elevated.

As soon as I saw all three of my children safe (my oldest is 11, so legally he can stay 3 minutes with his siblings as I drive up to get them, in case you are worried lol); I knelt down, cried and apologized instantly for yelling. I asked for my middle little’s forgiveness, I explained how scared I was but that yelling was not appropriate and I am working hard not to yell anymore. Then something surprising happened, she apologized for not listening and saw how scary that was for me. I was taken aback. I did not expect her to mirror my actions, to recognize and acknowledge her mistake and my feelings. It was messy, it was hard, but even in my mama-meltdown epic failure moments, these brilliant amazing little humans are still learning forgiveness, empathy and owning their own mistakes.

Yes, I am THAT mom. I am the mom that struggles with keeping my temper, sometimes doesn’t get food to the table on time (by the way we ordered in tonight), allows too much screen time, gives in to some demands to avoid the fight, and yells when I do not mean to. I am also THAT mom who forgives quickly, loves fully, asks for forgiveness and apologizes to show them I make mistakes too, and would protect my children at all costs. I cry in the bathroom, laugh at the dinner table and hug with everything I have got. I am 100% that mom and proud.

Remember mama, we are in this together – one Earnest MOM-ent at a time!

Love, Earnest Mom

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The Hands of a Parent

by earnestmomblog ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Hands of a Parent

Recently, I was walking with my 7-year-old, hand in hand.  As I was getting us from our parking spot to our destination I started to think about the action of our hands in parenting.  Our hands are essential in the process of raising children, from birth until they move out—they remain involved throughout our parenting journey.

Breaking it down into ages and development levels, our parenting approaches can be hands on or hand off if we choose.  From helping hands to cheering hands, let’s explore how we HAND-le parenting our little humans.

Helping Hands start from birth, your baby is born and right into your hands when they arrive.  When holding a baby, they are completely and beautifully dependent on us.  From holding bottles or breast, diapers or burp cloths, baby’s contact is holding hands all through those early formative months.  We stroke a cheek, wipe a bottom and lift to hold them heart to heart with us in comfort and love.  Cradling and holding are so intimate and build the parent-child deep connections in their growing brains.

The next stage is Hand Over Hand.  Baby begins to crawl and toddle, causing us to follow closely and help them to learn the safety and dangers of the world around them, keeping our hands over their hands.  Leading them directly by touch and our words we teach them as they explore their surroundings. 

The third stage is Holding Hands.  Just as I was earlier with my little guy, holding hands allows us to be side by side with our child.  We are holding to one hand, still guiding and leading but also allowing them to lead in small spurts as well.  We are still tethered to them hand in hand so when they misread safety signals, we are still there to stop to prevent danger but still a bit more freedom.  I love the image of side by side, next to one another, still intimate yet slightly more independent.

By the fourth stage we find ourselves with Guiding Hands.  We have led and shown over and over, creating neural pathways of routine, expectations and a life of relationships, working and playing.  As we guide our children, we gradually let go, and they may push us away a bit.  They will begin the stages of, “You do not have to walk me to the bus anymore, just watch from the porch,” or “Please do not hug me in front of my friends.”  We are quite hands off here, but we are close enough that when we may need to catch them, hold them or show them a safe way – we still can.

Parenting in the next stage is Waving Hands.  We are on the sidelines, allowing harmless mistakes where we can still scaffold and advise before leaving home.  We are coaching, up until now we have helped them develop an array of tools to use when facing life, but they are still in our home, so we can still come together and review and give help on an ongoing basis.  I always remind my children in the younger years, there is nothing they can do to make me love them less – nothing.  Building a foundation of trust knowing they can come to me with anything at all.  As we watch our children at this age, almost adult, we will get glimpses of the man or woman they are becoming and yet we can still offer tips and coaching as they grow – waving to remind them “I am here!”

The final stage is Cheering Hands.  Here our children are leaving home, finding their own path and growing their own family.  A parent’s role continues throughout their life, but during this period, they can observe and support from the sidelines – get ready to cheer!  Cheer them through post-secondary education or into careers, starting a family and becoming the man or woman they were called to be.  As a child, I remember my games, plays, and presentations at school, with two working parents, my grandparents were always in the audience – cheering me, they were also cheering my parents.  Celebration happens so much in adult milestones, graduations, job offers, big moves, showers, weddings, etc.  This is a time where parents get to celebrate and watch the hard work of those early blurry days pan out before their eyes.

Our hands play such an important role in parenting, and it is essential for children to rely on them. Whether it is the touch of a baby’s bitty fingers, holding hands while crossing a street, or applauding in support, our hands contribute significantly to our children’s development. In my indigenous culture, it is believed that every action has an impact for the next seven generations, which highlights the long-term role of parental actions – our hands.  You mama, you will be known by your 5-times-great-grandchild by what your hands do today.  How beautiful.

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An Earnest Attitude of Gratitude.

by earnestmomblog ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It is November. We have Friendsgiving and Thanksgiving that we host every year and so quickly I can get distracted by the planning (I like to really plan with a lot of care and thought our Friendsgiving to create an intimate time for the group of us that have been celebrating for the past 3 years). I am seeing on social media, people posting thankful anecdotes daily, which is so refreshing to read when I decide to scroll – especially when I haven’t been online for a few days and all the thankful posts pile up! Some have been known to cause a few tears in my own eyes.

I feel like while I am mama, teacher, cook, tidy-upper, help mate and all the other hats that I juggle through my days I miss being thankful for my life, abilities and the little things!

Someone once told me it could simply be a matter of switching up the narrative in my head. when my days get busy (especially lately when home inspection calls are non stop some days), I get caught up in the stress of what I have to get done. Earnest dad will come home after a long day of inspecting and maybe hunting, and he wants to relax. All I can see is what we have to do and I quickly get overwhelmed. There are days he comes home early and the moment I see him, I immediately think of my have to list and I don’t stop to even greet him. (I feel awful saying it but it is true).

The word of God says,

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
2. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3. Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Psalm 100: 1-5

Be thankful to him, for the Lord is good and his mercy is everlasting. These words were life to me this week.

We use a curriculum that we print monthly – and it is a lot of printing! Well we start a new unit TODAY and because of the busyness and time spread everywhere, I started printing last night. And last night, nothing was going right. With lack of sleep (thanks daylight savings), homeschooling, business phone calls and energetic kids I was done. I felt, as Bilbo Baggins so eloquently put it, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” My patience, calm and thankful tanks were on empty. I went to bed and as I fell asleep I remembered the words, attitude of gratitude.

As I got up this morning feeling resting, my youngest little laid on the ground with his little fingers reaching under the door and began singing one of my favorite hymns. In my head I hear, attitude of gratitude. I go to get my morning vitamins and breaks and my little guy climbs up to sit on the counter with me (I was with him the whole time) and brewed me my k-cup (again with my support). Again, I am reminded attitude of gratitude. I need to change my narrative.

Here I sit, with my printer trying to print our workbooks we should already be working out of and there is a paper jam. Then mid print job, it cancels itself. No error information, no reason that I can see. Attitude of gratitude. So I changed the narrative. Today for homeschool we will read stories together, we will clean up the house together, we will do our supplemental subjects already printed and ready to go. We will go outside and get some vitamin D and watch our favorite squirrel at the park as he buries his acorns in planning for his winter survival. Today we will do what we can with what we have. That is all that we ever have.

Instead of telling myself I have to, today I will remind myself that I get to. I get to school my children in my home because my husband works hard and the Lord blesses us. I get to clean up with my children because all of us are healthy and able. We get to go the to park because we have an amazing set up less than a block away in our quiet neighborhood. I get to work with my technology because we have the ability to own the necessities to do so.

I sit here, printer in error state, some kids not clothed running about the house with more screen time than I would like. But we get to do all of this because of the blessings that we have in our lives. This earnest home, family and life we have is such a privilege and honor, I am working daily to keep in an attitude of gratitude and to not let the sideways, caught off guard messes throw me off. Let November be the month you work to gain gratitude, then keep it all year long. Not because you have to, but because you earnestly get to.

x. earnest mom.